Overconfidence in Online Dating, Yikes!

Confidence in dating is good. However, when it comes to online dating, being overly confident can be deadly. As a NYC matchmaker, I discourage my clients from believing that people have to accept them as they are. That is just plain cocky. If you have a face and body like Angelina Joie or Brad Pitt, you can probably prove me wrong. But everyone else, those of us who are mere mortals, can probably do a few things to bring out our inner “hotties.” After all, why should a perfect stranger be expected to accept you as you are if you are not presenting yourself at your best? The fact is, in the world of online matchmaking you’ re not giving anyone the benefit of getting to know you or accepting you unless they can first be attracted or intrigued by you.

Many Hollywood celebrities are basically just “us” with a bit of polish added. Without mentioning names, there are those that would go unnoticed without a bit of hair, makeup, clothes, and lighting. Lighting is especially important for mere mortals. It brings out charms that we never thought we had. In New York City you can find photographers who do headshots for about $100. If you want to know where they are, ask any struggling actor or actress. OK, so here is where being confident is important in online dating. One has to go for it. If you are looking for a prince or princess, then have the courage to dress like one. Take a risk, stand out. Find a stylish look and bring it with you to your photo shoot. The law of attraction basically says that like attracts like. That is, tasteful will usually attract tasteful, sporty will attract sporty and so on.

Trust me, the “you” with a bit of polish is still you. It is the you that is shrewd. We all have flaws and insecurities, but they don’t fully tell our whole story. Some may want to broadcast them upfront so that they might not be rejected later. That idea sounds good on paper, but in real life, “it isn’t necessarily so!” The same singles who send me pictures of themselves with comb-overs and dumpy outfits are the ones who chose attractive singles who took the time to present themselves in the best light. They seldom pick their dumpy unkempt counterpart. When I email their photos to these well-put-together singles, some politely decline while others emphatically refuse as if insulted. So take a solemn vow to never present anyone with less than you desire for yourself when online dating. Overconfidence without true merit! Yikes.